Godly Wives and Godly Husbands
This is the manuscript of the 1 Peter 3:1-7 sermon I preached on May 3, 2026 at Trinity West Seattle as part of our Hope In Exile sermon series through the book of 1 Peter.
You can watch it here or read the manuscript I preached from below.
SERMON INTRO
Crunch crunch crunch…Sorry. That was all the cultural eggshells I stepped on walking up here :)
Obviously joking. Passages like 1 Peter 3:1-7 can be countercultural. They were then and still are today.
My name is Jayson Curry…[intro and welcome]
The bible doesn’t need me to defend it. It needs bold, honest proclamation. That is today’s endeavor. So if something today makes you feel uncomfortable or resistant. I’d ask two things:
First, listen to the whole sermon. Not just a line or two.
Second, go to the text itself. Study it like the Bereans. Dig into it. Wrestle with it like Jacob did with God in the book of Genesis.
Normally with texts like these, people ask questions like “Who gets to define the institution of marriage? God or you? The culture or our Creator?” or maybe “What is the purpose of marriage?” Great questions, but there is a question underneath those questions.
Why would God ask wives to submit or husbands to honor?
Why would he ask these things of us?
Because…
Godly marriages reflect a good God to an evil world.
They are ultimately for His glory, our good, and the good of the world.
[PRAY]
LIKEWISE
You might recognize that big idea, well it's the same one from last week, but with more specificity. Peter has moved from broader principles and theology to some very practical and personal application. See the first part of the first verse and seventh verse…
1 Peter 3:1,7
[1] Likewise, wives…
[7] Likewise, husbands…
Connector words or phrases…likewise, then, yet, also, or therefore…should trigger a bible study principle in your mind.
The study principle is this: If you see a therefore, ask what it's there for. When you see a connector word, start investigating and remembering.
In previous weeks we saw we can be “born again to a living hope” when we believe in Christ. We learned God is holy so we reflect his holiness. “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” Pastor Joel talked about us having a transformed identity by Christ.
It doesn't stop with a transformed identity, but continues with transformed activity. Remember his example of being a parent? Once you adopt or have a child you are a parent. You have that title. But you don’t just stop there, you have to actually parent the child!
Transformed activity is what 2:11-3:7 is all about. How we relate to the world. Christians live out their transformed activity by how they engage with human institutions such as government, employment, and marriage.
Why? Because our good deeds reveal a good God to an evil world. God gets glory, people get a sense of what he is like, and they too can find salvation in him!
So when we see “Likewise,” it is pulling ALL of that in with it. When Peter turns to marriage, he’s not changing topics…he’s applying the same truth as before.
Thus, the big idea is similarly narrowed:
Godly marriages reflect a good God to an evil world.
And to the singles in the room, there is a lot of beauty here for you as well. So stay tuned.
WIVES
In our text today, Peter reveals 3 ways in which God is revealed to the world by wives.
Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by submitting to their husband.
Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by internal adornment.
Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by hoping in God.
1) Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by submitting to their husband.
1 Peter 3:1-2
[1] Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, [2] when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
A brief word before we hop in…This passage is not to justify abuse or sin. If that is part of your story, please seek help or talk to us. God is not calling you to endure abuse.
The word “subject” in verse 1 is actually the exact same word in the Greek language that Paul uses in the famous Ephesians 5 passage about Christians submitting to one another, wives submitting to husbands, and husbands laying down their lives for their wives.
Here submission is translated as “be subject to” because it is remembering what has come before.
1 Peter 2:13–14a, 18
[13] Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, [14] or to governors…
[18] Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.
The theme of Christians submitting to God delegated authorities continues. There is a delegated authority, by God’s delegation, within the context of marriage too. It is not about worth or value, but rather about God’s good design.
God reveals that submission isn’t even really about the government, nor the master/employer, nor even the husband. It is all for the Lord's sake. And it has everything to do with the transformed identity wives now have and the final or ultimate authority wives submit to, God himself.
God is revealing to us here that if wives want to win their husbands to the Lord, especially if they are unbelievers, then this is the path they must take. Wives conduct alone can win people to Christ. You can win husbands to the Lord without a word. Your submission is part of the process of their sanctification and maybe even salvation. Amazing!
So what does submission look like in practice? After sifting through 1 Peter 3:1-6 the book Tying the Knot by Rob Green (show book) talks about it this way…
[we use in premarital, and I recommend for currently married couples too]
“Being a follower does not mean that your opinion is unimportant or that you are less important in the marriage. It simply means that God has ordained one person to ride in the front set of the tandem bike and the other to ride on the back. The bike will, of course, move fastest when both people are peddling together, so unison and teamwork should characterize your marriage overall…Being a follower means that unless your husband is directly leading you to sin, you will choose to continue peddling even if you would make a different decision.” (p.66)
I want to acknowledge the very real fear here. For some wives in the room, letting someone else control the handlebars on the tandem bike feels paralyzing. Remember, submission is an act of faith. Not in a man, but in God.
For clarity…this submission is to one person, your husband. Not every man. By willfully submitting to your husband, you are actually trusting God. And your transformed activity is a gospel proclamation to a fallen world.
Just like Christ in the garden of Gethsemane before he was betrayed, he submitted to the will of the Father, and said, “Not my will but yours be done.” What a beautiful opportunity you have to join with Christ and do what he did, trusting in the will of God. Submission is an act of faith. An act of faith in God, not your husband. And remember, fear is what if, faith is even if.
Small pause here…single ladies in the room. This is why it is so important who you date. Is the man you will covenant yourself too…who you are choosing to willfully follow and submit too one day…is he worthy of your submission? Once you are married, this high calling applies. But during friendship, dating, engagement…you get to discern these things. No man will be perfect, but your choice in a husband is important. Your choice can dictate how challenging or freeing that submission is. So determine…Is he peddling that tandem bike toward Christ or toward somewhere else?
Single guys and married guys…be the Godly man that makes this easy for your wife to do.
2) Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by internal adornment.
The next part of Peter’s high calling for wives.
1 Peter 3:3-7
[3] Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—[4] but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
I know..i know…the last thing every woman wants to hear is “You look beautiful…on the inside!” ugh….cringe. Peter is NOT saying to disregard external beauty. He isn’t making a backhanded insult like I did a second ago. He knows that external beauty is something God himself created! But what Peter IS emphasizing is the importance of character.
Peter wants wives to consider, “What is more important: your hair or your heart?”
This is about ordered loves. Is your appearance, your status or class, more important than your character? The world pushes status and stuff. But Peter reminds wives to keep the main thing the main thing. That is Christ and your heart's alignment with Christ. You have a transformed identity, so act like it and be about it.
Christ could have been anything, but he came from a carpentry family and wore regular clothing. He is a man who did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped. Status and stuff wasn’t his M.O. Wives literally get to be like Christ in his humility when they pursue internal adornment.
God tells wives here in this scripture that imperishable beauty comes from within. It cannot be removed because it is an identity that has already been given because of Christ. We see yet again this theme of transformed identity leads to transformed activity. Your character will win people to the kingdom of God. Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by internal adornment.
Also, if it's helpful, I define gentleness as “using the least amount of strength necessary.” It is not weakness, but the exact right amount of force. It is again trusting in God and the work he is doing as you submit to your husbands and pursue internal adornment. Gentleness will reveal a good God to an evil world.
3) Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by hoping in God.
1 Peter 3:5-7
[5] For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, [6] as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Hoping in God is the root of submission and internal adornment. I want something to be very clear as we end our time talking about wives…Wives, your hope isn’t in your husband.
What a bold declaration from Peter! In a world, back then, where women were reliant on men for status and money and a home…Peter is saying your worth, your hope is not in your husband. Your hope is in God alone, the giver and embodiment of your living hope.
Therefore you can willfully submit and follow your husband. You can exude internal beauty and confidence because you are free from the statuses and stuff the world pushes on you! Godly wives reveal a good God to an evil world by hoping in God.
And this verse ends with encouragement…do good and do not fear. Why don’t you have to fear? Because your husband and your marriage are not your ultimate hope. God is your hope. He’s got you.
HUSBANDS
Now we turn to husbands.
Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world by understanding their wives.
Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world by honoring their wives.
Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world through unhindered prayers.
[7] Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Notice something gents…nowhere in this verse does it say “make your wife submit” or “criticize her external adornment.” Your wife following the high calling from the previous verses is not your responsibility to enforce. You are on her team and can help her in those things by doing what God asks of you here in verse 7.
As a husband myself, I feel the need to ask something pretty direct. Husbands…would others, especially your wife, characterize you as someone that demands submission? Think about it. If you are, you may need to check your heart with the Great Physician.
Because we are not the submission or adornment police. We are responsible for directing that tandem bike toward Christ and peddling with our own two feet. We can’t pedal our pedals and hers. We’ll go nowhere.
Just as we discussed with wives, our hope is not in our wife. Our living hope is also Christ. Trust that the Holy Spirit is at work in her, and focus on listening to the Holy Spirit in our own walks.
1) Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world by understanding their wives.
[7] Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
This is huge. Our job as husbands is to understand our wives. To fully know them.
I want us to think about this in two ways. First, husbands, when we take our marriage vows, we are permanently students from now until death do us part. This, like with wives, is about ordered loves.
Our jobs, our hobbies, our interests, our time, our attention…come after her. If there is something standing in the way of us understanding our wife. Learning her. Knowing her…Reorder our priorities. Cut that thing out. So single guys, prepare for this. Choose a woman who you want to be curious about. Who you want to know.
The second way to think about understanding our wife is standing under her. This means we listen. She always has our ear and our heart. We build her up. Paired with the student analogy, we operate in such a way that draws her out. Her quirks, her beauty, all of it.
And this isn’t simply head knowledge of her. This is an ontological thing. That is a fancy word for the study of being or existence. Understanding her is a knowing and a being.
Christ did this for us. When God became human, he lived like us. He entered our world. In his humanity he learned like us. Knew us and our experience intimately because he became a human. In the same way, we enter the lives of our wives and know them. Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world by understanding their wives.
2) Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world by honoring their wives.
[7] Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
For clarity, weaker vessel is not a diminutive or cruel descriptor, but rather a general description of the general physical difference between men and women. Also, given the time period, some scholars wonder if it represents both a physical difference and possibly a societal one, where women were not given the same privileges as men.
But the key piece here is honor. Peter (remember the “likewise”) is calling back to earlier in the book.
1 Peter 2:16–17
[16] Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. [17] Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
The same words are used here that were used earlier. Just as with submit or “be subject to”, God is reminding us that honor is part of the Christian walk. We honor everyone, including our leaders and husbands their wives.
In our text today, God is clear, husbands are to honor their wives.
Husbands, when we honor our wives…the gospel is preached to the world. Think about that for a second…
One of the ways we husbands get to preach the goodness of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ, in both word and in deed, is by honoring our wives. Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world by honoring their wives.
Honoring hides what is negative and shares what is positive. This means to our friends at board game night. To the guys on the golf or business trip. Whether she is present with us or absent from our presence, we are to honor her. Esteem her. Lift her up.
In an interesting mystery, this text is also countercultural in another way. When the world views women as less than, God points out…they are heirs too. In a very mysterious sense, there is a deep spiritual equality baked into the submission done by wives and the honoring done by husbands. Co-heirs with Christ. Image bearers of God. Honoring draws that mystery out to be seen.
Christ covers our sin and calls us his own. He honors us, even when we do not deserve it. We must do the same.
3) Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world through unhindered prayers.
[7] Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Wives get some encouragement at the end of their few verses…do not be afraid and do what is good.
Husbands…we get a warning.
If we don’t live with our wives in an understanding way or do not honor them…our prayers are hindered. Interrupted. Anemic.
God is so concerned that Christian husbands do these two things that he willingly disrupts our connection through prayer in some mysterious way.
Sit with that for a minute…Christ came all the way here to connect with us. Be with us. Die for us. Unify us with the Father. Yet, He desires husbands to live this way so much that He allows our prayers to be hindered if we do not understandably live with and honor our wives. We need to take this very seriously.
And get this, full circle, Godly husbands reveal a good God to an evil world through unhindered prayers. There is a compound effect here…when husbands live understandingly with our wives, and honor her…a good God is revealed to an evil world. And also, when husbands live understandingly with our wives, and honor her…our prayers are unhindered, which also reveals a good God to an evil world.
May we live honorably in the world around us, honoring our wives, that one day the world around us might honor God in return.
CONCLUSION
Before we close, I want to address those in the room that may have experienced divorce, and are no longer married. Those who wish to remain single. Widows and widowers.
Marriage is uniquely suited to win people to the Lord through submission and honor. But the general principles behind what we talked about still apply for you.
Here is a final thought, for everyone. Maybe some of you are wondering about how this all ties together. I mean…we talked about so many things today y’all.
So let’s conclude with a story. When you ask kids, especially your own, to do something, to obey you, what is the last thing you wanna hear?
It's one of two things. “No” Or “Why?”
Our boys have responded that way so many times. I used to get equally frustrated with either answer. Or blurt out, “Because I told you so!”
But a few years ago, a mentor and pastor of mine said to teach them this.
We are teaching you to obey a visible authority, so one day you will obey an invisible authority.
So that is what we teach our boys now.
Yet…the same is true for the bigger picture. That is why Godly marriages reveal a good God to an evil world. It is how all of us, every Christian, live with transformed activity birthed from our transformed identity in order to reveal a good God to an evil world.
When wives submit to their visible husbands, it is a visible picture for the world to see an invisible God…and hopefully they will submit to Him one day.
When husbands honor their visible wives, it is a visible picture to the world of an invisible God…and hopefully they will honor Him one day.
Godly marriages reveal a good God to an evil world.
